are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
There's a naked man in my car right now.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
