You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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