did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize