Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
