Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
