you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
