Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
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You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
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I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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