you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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