My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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