Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
