Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
