ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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