i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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