I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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