When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
