There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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