Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
