Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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