he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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