A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm sobbing to NWA
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
