Yo dont text me then not text me
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
