Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
