forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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