so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
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he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
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I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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