holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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