He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
