i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
