i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
