Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
