the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I want to have your abortion
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
