i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
