she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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