we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
pray to the hookup gods
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
