I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Shame is for Republicans.
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