I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i was born a porn star she said
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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