Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
