Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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