Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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