in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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