girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
