You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
