It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
