Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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