On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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