if you like me you must not know who I am
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
i think i just lost a toe
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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