Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
