i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
me + whiskey = a bad person
be right there i have to get my cape
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
