he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
