i need an iv and a liver transplant
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
