So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
two words: eviction party
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
