Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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