drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
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I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
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He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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