peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize