She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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