Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
