My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
