Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Couch. On fire.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
