How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
