Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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