Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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