Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
