Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
