I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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