cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
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the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
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Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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