Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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