OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
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i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
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i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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