Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
