I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
