Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
this just has baby written all over it
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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