he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
