I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
